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Monday, January 5th, 2009
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5:01 pm
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It hasn't been a good year so far. I forgot things could hurt so much, physically and mentally.
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| Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
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6:02 pm - awesome
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hy sal wees by die deur vanaand
Man, my return to livejournal land and it's because I just need to vent about random crap and there's no one to talk to. Well, I take that back. I have cool friends, they'll listen to me, no questions about that, but I don't like to be the person whining about all the dumb little, inconsequential things that are going on in life. People are losing their jobs, Iceland's entire economy is failing and the country is bankrupt, etc. and I'm on here talking about how I don't make the pay grade that I probably should be and that girls don't like me. I basically sound like a 14 year old with a larger vocabulary...
( Why, more bitching? Yes, of course! )
But yeah, have a Happy New Year tonight everyone! Be safe, drive safe, all that jazz...
Night...
current mood: something
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| Sunday, August 26th, 2007
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3:18 am - musings in the night
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So, I'm about to go to sleep and all, but I've been thinking about this the past few days and wanted to get my thoughts down (and on another, separate note, how do people manage to update their journals so often? I struggle to post when I'm thinking about stuff). Read on if you dare, although it's probably dumb to everyone but me (which, looking at the math, is a lot of people)...
( I talk about feelings, and maybe cry a little... )
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| Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
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5:52 am
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I hate moving... it's quite stressful when the place you're moving isn't ready for a few days and you're tired and you haven't slept and you're stressing out about school, work, and making sure you're getting the stuff done you need to graduate...
Also, moving by yourself is a pain. Don't ever do it, it makes it incalculably worse...
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| Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
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6:31 pm - woot!
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God, it's been so long since I've been excited about something for real. It doesn't sound like much, I know, but knowing that I only have to answer 10.5 questions correctly on an open note test to get an A is really amazing. Like I said, I haven't been really excited in a long time, as a lot of stuff hasn't really been going the way I'd like it to, but I'm just happy to get this. And as an added bonus, I get my good student discount back on my car insurance! Woohoo!
Other than that, I'm flat broke. I've got a pay check going into my account that will immediately be taken back out for utilities and cable. I did just get smart and cancel my tv service and reduced my internet to the 712k speed (only $16.99! What a deal!) from the 7MB I have before (which I didn't realize I had, but I really miss it now... but not the $50 + $45 for cable I was spending). Adding to that, I'm not running the AC much (and if I do, it's on somewhere between 82 and 86 depending on my fan situation).
Okay, so, hopefully the string of good luck keeps going (I know, it's not good luck, I actually put forth an effort and it paid off... that's really what I'm excited about. I didn't fail this time!) I'll probably come back from work (I'm covering some girl's shift from 7 to 10... not a big deal, but she sounded really sick on the phone, and I'm a nice guy) and write a little about emotions and whatnot. I just read this book for class called Mean Disease about anorexia nervosa, and it really connected to me. Not the AN, but the book was written by an AN patient's son, and the depression and feelings he expressed in his writing articulated some of the same things I've been dealing with for the past 4 years.
Enough of this though, I've got to get ready and head out. Hopefully I can get some of that stuff down later tonight (as I don't have WoW to escape into anymore... I think I have a WalMart gift card around here from Christmas/Birthday, I may try to go see if I can buy a card with that)...
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1:56 am - don't be dumb like me...
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So, my 4th and 5th fingers have been going numb lately, especially after waking up and typing (online classes = lots of typing)...
Finally did a search for it today, and found out about paresthesias, which "results from nerve damage due to pressure, entrapment or nerve disease." As it's my 4th and 5th fingers (ring and pinky...), it's because my ulnar nerve is under pressure on my elbow (because there's not a lot hitting me in the chest while I'm sitting here). Now that I'm reading about it, I know it's from that, because the way I sit with this new setup has my elbow right on the edge of the desk... Time to fix that!
That's it... no Iris news, nothing really that cool, just wanted to complain about my hand. It's not painful or anything, just really annoying. Also, there's no way I can't get an A in my Eating Disorders class. That excites me to no end!
-Keith
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| Friday, June 15th, 2007
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2:37 am - thoughts on the email...
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So, I wanted to throw this down seeing as I can't go to sleep right now.
Here's what the email said:
HISTORY CIRCLING BACK UPON US
- The gears of the Universe spin further
- and further apart.
- Ever greater grows the gulf between souls,
- And distance gives false hope of safety
- But for the grim tidings this messenger bears:
- The enemy is almost upon us
- Closing in from all sides,
- Moving faster than the light
- it snuffs with its passage,
- Time echoes with the news of destruction.
- History winding back upon itself.
- Waves of an army march this way in unison, Suffering and
- corruption are its battle cries.
- For I have known this darkness
- and felt its embrace once before-
- Horror best laid to rest
- Yet a Journey must commence
- Look for the signs, the keepers of the flame.
- They will lead you to war, and perhaps, to victory.
Here's what I'm taking from it:
The enemy is almost upon us - Either the Covenant or the Flood. Possibly meaning both.
Closing in from all sides,
Moving faster than the light - The enemy (Covenant and/or Flood) are surrounding us and coming "faster than the light," through Slipspace.
it snuffs with its passage,
Time echoes with the news of destruction.
History winding back upon itself. - Time has already witnessed the destruction of the Flood once before. If it is not stopped, history will repeat itself, destroying all Flood-sustainable life within the galaxy.
Waves of an army march this way in unison, Suffering and
corruption are its battle cries.
For I have known this darkness
and felt its embrace once before-
Horror best laid to rest
- This is why I'm leaning more towards a description of the Flood. The author (AR or a Forerunner) has dealt with this "darkness" before and has seen the "suffering and corruption" first hand. The Flood, the way it works, the way it becomes and adapts to its hosts, definitely bring suffering and corruption. Also, I doubt that the Covenant would be around at the time this entity originally saw the "darkness."
Look for the signs, the keepers of the flame.
They will lead you to war, and perhaps, to victory.
- Some people over on unfiction were speculating on how the "keepers of the flame" line was referring to humanity because Prometheus was the one to grant fire to human kind. I believe that could be true, but I think the keeper reference is more talking about the Reclaimer role that humans play. Humans keep the "flame" of the rings, and have been given the responsibility to release the flame should the need arise. We are supposed to "look for the signs," what I would understand to be either the ring array or some form of communication from the Forerunners. They are already leading us to war with the Covenant and the Flood. Now, we just need to discover their meaning and purpose, so we can be victorious.
Have no idea what I'm talking about? Have free time, or time that you just want to throw away? Start here and take a dive into the wonderful world of ARGs.
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| Thursday, June 14th, 2007
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11:33 pm - It happened...
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It actually happened. I knew it would, but I didn't want to believe it ever could. I haven't been watching the news, but I have seen bits and pieces on various sites. Every time I found something, though, it quickly disappeared, often taking the entire page with it and leaving nothing but an error or a mysterious government notice.
You never think it'll come to you though. I mean, Gainesville? It's a small town pretty much in the middle of no-where... Just a bunch of college kids, and during the summer, it's a ghost town here anyway. Anyway, my brain told me it was here the other day. The people who live next door, they have the most annoying dog ever born. Well, I guess I should say "had," I don't think it stayed. Anyway, it just stopped barking the other day. And not just him, it seemed like the entire town was quiet, devoid of the usual bird calls and other animal noises.
I got to campus earlier today and almost no one was there. I actually found some parking... some really good parking, and that was a little weird. Got to class, and there were only a handful of students there. The teacher never showed up, I hope she's safe. After waiting for a little while, on of the campus police came and told us all to come to the Reitz. He was really panicked, and the few of us that were there immediately left the classroom. On the way over here, I saw some people across the lawn. They were walking with a weird limp, and on some of the ones wearing white, it looked like they had gotten some kind of dark liquid on them. Looking back now, I'm pretty sure it was blood.
I'm here now, but just wanted to see if any of you had heard anything about any other outbreaks. That has to be what this is. All the movies, all the books I've read, I thought it could never really come true. I thought it could never be anything more than fiction. I was wrong. I don't know how long it will be until I can say this without feeling weird, but here it goes: Zombies are here, be careful.
[BLITEOTW, the day after]
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| Wednesday, May 16th, 2007
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5:04 am - I should be asleep...
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but, guess what, I'm not. Well, that's somewhat of a given, as I'm typing this post right now, but I'm learning that there are a plethora of things I've learned to do while asleep... such as turn off three alarms and not even be phased.
Anyway, I've had enough laying (and sitting) around. I'm starting to go on bike rides just for the heck of it (well, for the exercise, but whatever), and I've started doing some Tae-Bo along with some other cardio stuff (and yes, I know, it's old or whatever, but until I move on to something else, it's what I'm doing... shut up). I had to take a PE summer class during high school once, and I remember that actually making a difference. Really though, anything that's making me move is a good thing. As weird as it is for me to say this, I'm getting older and need to be paying a lot more attention to my health (granted, 23 isn't "old" by any stretch of the imagination, but the earlier you get a handle on it, the better off you are).
So, I'm hoping that the 3 classes I'm taking this summer session don't destroy me. Accelerated Latin, Eating Disorders and some family problems class that I don't want to take but need to because my college is "watching me" and I need them to keep thinking I'm going to graduate with their crappy degree... here's hoping I ace them, leading me (finally) onto the next phase of my life. People generally like staying in college, but I've been here too long and all my friends are gone (well, Ozzie and Jake are still here, but I need to be gone).
So there we go. I'm awake as I just finished a rousing 20 minute session with billy what's-his-name (I couldn't sleep...) and took a shower. It'd be super cool if my body stopped migrating towards a "sleep during the day" mindset, but you can't have everything I guess.
Thanks for being my friend, by the way. I know it's not something that's said much, but friendships really are important, especially to me now. Just knowing there are people who are cheering for me makes things easier.
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| Monday, May 14th, 2007
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5:13 am - I can never think of titles...
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Hi! I don't write on here nearly enough, and I won't take this time to say that I'm going to try to be better, as I know deep in my heart that I will not (will not try, that is... so I guess I won't get better either... tangents!).
Anyway, I needed to do something with myself, so I'm writing. I used to be good at it (even though you probably couldn't tell after reading my past entries). I can't sleep, so I figured I'd come unload at least some parts of my brain on here.
Life's weird at the moment. My advisor finally decided to help me out on the whole hold thing, but didn't tell me anything beyond "you are being monitored by the college." Awesome? That doesn't really tell me a lot about WHY the thing was on there to begin with. Maybe because they're sick of getting money from me. That's probably it. Or maybe they discovered my secret plan of trying to graduate with a degree in psychology even though I'm currently in the Family, Youth and Communities degree program in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (I REALLY don't want to graduate with a degree from this college... also, I've hated almost every class I've had to take for the major, save the family problems class I took last semester).
Also, I'd like to be in Orlando now, because it's somewhat lonely up here in Gainesville... both my roommates have moved out (one's exploring Europe and the other is about to start his trek across the Appalachians, so I'm obviously having the most fun) and there's not anyone up here that I know of, so that's sweet.
I've also had this re-occurring thought that I need to be a different, better person. I know there's the whole God made you, and you have a great personality, and whatever, but this is more a personal "life change" thing. I don't want to change my personality or anything weird like that, I just want to at least try to be a better human being. So we'll see how that goes.
Anyway, Since I can't sleep, I'm going to go attempt that now (even though I have to be up in 3.5 hours. That's what you get for altering your sleep schedule around a job that gets out late).
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| Thursday, March 29th, 2007
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12:21 am - going crazy
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So, I'm starting to really worry about what the future holds for me... It seems like a lot of my friends know what they want to do (grad school in either LA or Chicago, being flown around the SE for interviews, getting job offers, etc.), and it's really starting to kind of dig in to me. On a side note, I may look into a way to do a voice entry, because even though that takes longer to listen to, the people who care would, and the people who don't, well, screw them.
I'm just starting to feel trapped. I'm reverting back to things that used to make me happy, or had special significance to me (firefly, listening to ILB again in my spare time, I've started listening to music that I loved during high school)... I think that I hide from things like this, and I'm not quite sure why. I hesitate to place the blame on something else, too, because then I seem like I'm doing nothing but whining or exerting my learned-helplessness. I don't want to say that it's a major thing in my life, but I believe it has a small role in the way I view the world.
Right now, next year is really stressing me out. There are a lot of things taking up space in my mind right now, and I really can't get too into them now, but suffice to say that I'm a bit on edge. I'm sure I'll get by, but I don't want to just get by.
He may not know it, but my roommate Sean has really been a big influence on my life this year. Every bad habit that I know I have, I'm more acutely aware of after living with him and Ben this past year... and this isn't a bad thing at all. I've been trying my damnedest to emulate the patterns I can see work so well in their lives, and even though I'm nowhere near attaining the levels I know I can get to, I feel I'm at least somewhat of a better person now after being able to spend time and talk with these two amazing guys.
Also, I'm starting to get lonely again, but it's one of those things that comes and goes. I think that because of the things I'm facing in the very near future, I just want someone close to me that I can share these things with and that I know will be next to me holding my hand. I have close friends, but they're all guys, and holding their hand would be kind of gay... ( : Look what I just did with that precious moment, just ruined it all to hell.
Anyway, those are my thoughts, at least at the moment. I just watched the pilot episode of Firefly, and it got me all emotional and thinking, and I needed to get it out before I went to sleep.
Also, as a completely different topic, the British show the IT Crowd is hilarious... go grab the first season (only 6 episodes, but so worth it) off of your favorite torrent site (I'm not completely up to speed on my copyright laws, but I do believe that because it isn't licensed in the US, it's legal to download and enjoy).
Night all!
-Keith
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| Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
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5:35 pm - rp?
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So, I was doing some browsing, and I think I may want to give a RPserver another go in WoW. My only problem is that I'm currently farming [Primal Water] for my [Frozen Shadoweave Boots] and that's what has been keeping me from making an alt on Madoran. Also, I like who I'm playing with now. I don't want to have to find a new guild and everything, and I most definitely don't have the time to devote to two different guilds (although True Blood's raiding schedule has been somewhat lack-luster as of late. Hopefully we can get that fixed... I agree that we've been kind of lacking solid leadership. Maybe I'll try my hand at that if I can get my school stuff back under control)...
What to do, what to do?
And now, I'm going to work. Luckily, I'm exhausted right now...
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4:53 pm - mmm
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there is an ice cream truck outside my house. I just bought a strawberry shortcake bar, and it is delicious!
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| Friday, March 2nd, 2007
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2:16 am - wee!
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quick update:
1. depression. it's not bad, but it's still really annoying and noticeably effecting my life, work, and performance (school-wise, sickos).
2. going to orlando: tomorrow, in fact (well, actually, today, but whatever).
3. turning 23 on saturday. that's not at all scary or depressing... ( :
4. sick of school. most likely linked to #1.
5. got a raise. i now make the same amount that i make at universal, a company i have been working for for 5 years.
6. hope to hang out with friends some this weekend. i'm sure it will happen, but still wanted to list it.
that's probably not it, but i'm going to sleep.
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| Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
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11:59 am - art?
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it's annoying having all these pictures in my head and having no way of producing them... i can't draw, can't photograph them, and don't have enough time or money to make it possible.
poor ideas, have to keep floating around in my head until they get too plentiful and make my brain explode. that wouldn't be THAT bad... ( :
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| Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
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11:15 pm - wow... I guess this explains some things...
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Haha... So, I got bored while I was surfing ebay and somehow ended up at that eharmony.com site that they're always advertising for on tv. Took the really long test, only to be informed that:
"Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."
So, I guess that's why I can't find a girlfriend... haha... ( :
Other than that, school starts soon (the 8th), and I'm working at Universal tomorrow (Tuesday) and Wednesday, so that should be fulfilling.
Okay, back to old TV shows...
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| Saturday, December 16th, 2006
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11:03 pm - yahoo!
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woo! my computer's not broked anymore! i fix-ed it!
it's probably not good that it happened, but whatever, i can access t3h intrawebz0rz, so i'm happy.
also, i'm in orlando now. but only until the 22nd, so get your fill of me now (i have to miss the tfa christmas party... that i was actually looking forward to going to this year... oh well).
yay!
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| Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
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12:08 am - dang it...
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I had something that I wanted to post... but I can't remember what it was.
crap... oh well, I'll be home Saturday.
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| Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
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2:13 pm
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real quick update because i want to write about my crappy feelings right now...
so both my roommates just left for the week; one's going to new york with his girlfriend and the other is going to pennsylvania to visit a friend of his. i guess i'm lonely now is it, but also, i have to go meet with two teachers today. one of them is just me giving a speech on video games, but the other is what i am not looking forward to. i missed a few things while i was sick and at home (home computer wouldn't access the crap) and i'm going to see the teacher to beg her to let me make up the stuff. i just always get apprehensive about these things because i've come to expect the worse from everyone at this school.
mad world by gary jules is a good song (but also depressing-ish) ...
i'm done for now, have to run to see these kids. i'm sorry that i haven't talked to some of y'all in a long time, i'ev just been a gross combination of sick, busy, and overworked lately... the usual i guess... oh, but i am coming to the realization that i don't think i want to work in a "real job." just don't know if it'll fit me and my retarded lifestyle.
later y'all.
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| Saturday, September 23rd, 2006
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1:37 am - what do you do...
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when you know you're sinking back into depression, and you're embracing it?
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